Apr 6, 2012

Why a change?!?

It all started on Friday March 23.  Zeb kept asking me if I was ok, which I thought I was, but with each inquiry I started to think more and more... "Am. I. OK?"  which resulted in my crying for a good 30 minutes until I called my mommy crying into the phone "I am not OK!"  My poor husband (who, lets face it, started the whole thing) just walked between the kitchen and the grill dutifully preparing dinner while letting me cry to my mommy.  

What it boiled down to was that I didn't know what was wrong but I was depressed.  I didn't like sitting in an office by myself for 8 hours straight with no one to talk to.  Just me and my computer.  I didn't like that I worked.  I wanted to be home with babies.... but that's not really an option for me right now.  After a dinner-preparation long counseling session with my mom she pointed out to me if I was feeling like this it was a signal that I was ready to change something.  But that also, I was probably just coming down from the anxiety of my year long sickness (I seem to be healed by the way..... more on that later Steph - but go to Walmart right now and by ALIGN (pro biotic).... like TODAY!!!  It's expensive.... who cares... buy it, take it, every day.  It's the bomb) and I was tired of being sick and tired of being tired, and my mom said (which I agree with) depression tends to be worn out anxiety.

SO the something I decided to change was my job.  I started applying for jobs and started getting calls for interviews.... A LOT of interviews which was a relief.  But I always left the interviews feeling kinda blah about the jobs.

My job right now is easy, it's comfortable and it was making me miserable.  Then one day two weeks ago my computer exploded.  Literally.  I walked away, I came back and the screens (both of them) had filled up with dialog boxes about over heating, and other horrible computer lingo.  I worked the rest of the day but then for the next FIVE DAYS (!!!!)  I had to take an unpaid vacation that wasn't even a vacation because my boss kept calling me into work every single day to do things on the computer I didn't have.... literally... they had taken it away; or to make a phone call or two for him!

That's when my depression about my job turned into anger!  And boy, oh boy, when I get angry.... Watch Out.   So I demanded a $3.00 and hour raise and told them if I didn't get it I would have to quit.  4 days later they told me they could give me a raise at all.  (which is a lie.... They are hiring people for more than they pay me, and after all, I am the accountant remember!?!?)  So I accepted a different job that is more of a move sideways rather than upwards, and put in a one week notice. 

I'm nervous.  But I hope it fixes my sadness and gives me some peace about what I'll be doing for the next two years while my husband finishes up school.  And if it doesn't work out, or I hate the new job, I still have 3 more interviews lined up that I can use as my back up plan.

I will miss my friends, and this awesome lonely office where I spend my days, just me and my 6 filing cabinets and 3 plants.  Hopefully I'll get to share my next office space (pros and cons there!).

But if something needs changing.... get up the courage and do it!  That's what I say.  Change is (almost always) for the better.  That's what we humans are programed to do!