May 23, 2012

Goals and achievements

My last day of work at the hair school is tomorrow.  I really do like working there, it has been a huge blessing to have work I enjoy while looking for something more substantial.  Being back in a hair school atmosphere remind me of my young, happy, carefree days of hair school when the whole world lie ahead of me and I had dreams as big as texas (or rather new york).  I had a lot fun traveling to New York, Vegas, and California regularly.  I had some good friends, and even though I never felt as though I fit in, I enjoyed many days at the pool and the satisfaction of knowing I was achieving my dream, and I was really good at it to boot!

Now, here I am in hair school again, cheering the students on and helping them grow their dreams and enjoy this time in there life.  Once again the whole world lies ahead of me, as a newly wed, with a future of a family all my own, owning a home in a place other than Utah, and setting and achieving more goals for myself.

When I was struggling with my desire to get married with no concrete way of reaching that goal as it involved another persons free will to love me back, my mom once told me "Lisa, this is so frustrating for you because you have always been able to achieve every goal you have set for yourself."  In a way this is true, and I'm grateful to now be there again.  I am back to making the kind of goals I can reach, through my own will power.

I feel sad today about my goal of weight loss.  If I hadn't been weighed to prove my weight hadn't budged I would swear I'd gained 5 pounds.  I feel like a failure to not loose any weight in the first week when everyone says it's supposed to be one of the biggest weeks of weight loss I'll have.  I'm eating protein with every meal and trying to avoid junk food without creating monstrous cravings for myself.  I think I'm doing well.   But I'm scared I will fail and my weigh will once again not go down, or even worse, rise.  I wish this goal was easier to achieve and that I could see some amount of success.