Feb 9, 2013

Half a heart

In a moment of sheer boredom at work I turned to my favorite bloggers for a little pick me up. For some unknown reason I used my computer instead of my phone. Seeing as I don't have my own private office anymore I'm now very careful about what my work computer time is used for.  However, I realized, looking at my favorite blogs on a full screen rather than my phone screen, I've been really missing out on something when I gave up my morning routine of skimming my favorite blogs before I start my day. I also realize I gave up quite a lot when I started blogging exclusively on my phone. That I've only been giving it half my heart (at best) lately.

In fact I've only been giving half my heart to a lot of things lately. After a complete and total melt down a few weeks ago which consisted of me crying in my bed for a full two hours (TWO HOURS HERE PEOPLE). I was finally able to admit to myself I once again have a cloud full of the blues hanging over my head. Recognizing my depression is the hardest thing for me. Then once I know what the problem is, admitting to people who can help me is equally as hard.

I picked my myself up off my wet pillow and decided that being tired and having no energy, desire, or passion for life was not who I am but rather a cycle I tend to go through.  When I was in counseling we talked about having a plan, so the next time I recognized I was depressed I would know how to get myself out if.  Here is what that plan consists of:

1.  I Took my break at work to go for a 20 minute walk each day
(endorphins here people, not exercise.  It's a real thing)

2.  Start a new craft

3. Clean my house

4. Ask for help from people I trust

5. I also realize I am afraid of the dark, and that's why I get so cooped
 up inside during the winter - I don't want to go out after dark
(i.e. stop watching true life murder mysteries by myself late at night)

6. Listen to happy music (when I'm sad I listen to sad, mellow music
which only adds to my sadness)

I am happy to let you know this has worked.  I feel like I am (if I keep an eye on myself) back to my fairly normal happy routine.  I'm not quite as pent up and more willing to be social.  I'm also nicer to myself.  As I've talked to people about this the past few weeks it seems like pretty much everyone hates January for the same reason, it's hard, and they get depressed.  That to me is the beauty of spring!  Something to look forward to, to help get us through the cold dark months. But we wouldn't appreciate it as much without the long winter right before it.

Here's to spring!  May it come quickly and bring a much needed relief and a day in the sun (vitamin D also works wonders).  Do you have a plan for when you get depressed??  Does it help you?