Today is my weigh in day, and for the past month my mantra has been 149.9 because all I wanted to do was fall below 150 after hovering at 151 for a couple of weeks now.
Today I weighed in at 149.4! My first time below 150 in over 2 years. I'm not sure what I'm doing different but it's healthy and it's steady and it's slow weight loss which I'm hoping helps make it lasting. I"m so happy to be reaching my goals and doing it without building self loathing or unhealthy habits.
The other day I was in the restroom at work and a co-worker came in and, in the stall next to me proceeded to vomit up her lunch on purpose. It was hard to hear. It was too real. It brought back images of all the girls I sat next to during my eating disorder group and I almost started to cry. I've been there (never vomiting, but doing other stupid - stupid things in desperation). I've heard the stories of so many other girls who've been there. who have hated themselves and their bodies just as much. We've done it to, punished ourselves in horrible ways for what - eating, something we all HAVE to do every few hours or so. It took a lot for me to not pound on the wall between us and yell "what the hell are you doing?!?! Stop it right now! Don't keep this secret, go tell someone" Instead I just said a prayer for her, that she would get the help she needs, and that maybe someone else wouldn't be scared to speak up and talk to her.
My nutritionist always told me my body would bounce back from what I'd done to it, that it would let go of the weight I taught it to hold through starvation if I would just keep eating (in the right portions). And I'm eating, and I'm loosing, and I'm really happy I trusted her for so long. I'm really grateful for the people who have been there for me and trusted my nutritionist when I didn't. Their trust encouraged me and kept me going - all while not pressuring me to speed up the process.
My goal since the new year has been a 10 pound loss by my birthday (then I can justify a shopping spree!) and I'm now only 1.4 pounds away. I think in 2 weeks - I'll make it!!
|oh hey look what I found for all of you non-believers out there! |
Proof that I really did have dreads! How awesome am I!?!?!